"Fade to Black" by Metallica
I remember my brother trying to convince our parents that this was actually
good music and not just "noise" as our dad liked to call it. We actually sat as a family in the living
room and put "One" on the living room stereo. Our dad appreciated the acoustic guitars at the beginning, but as the song got loud and filled with distortion
and double kick drums, his appreciation waned. We still listened to the entire seven
and a half minutes, but I could tell that dad didn't understand my brother's
musical tastes. This was also at the height of nationwide uproars over popular music and lyrics,
and the newly introduced parental advisory stickers. My brother had brought
home a few cassettes that were discovered to have explicit lyrics, so our parents were almost automatically skeptical of his music choices.
Later that year, I remember watching the world premier for Metallica's "Enter Sandman"
video on MTV. That was a huge deal. Their self-titled follow up to
...And Justice for All (better known as "The Black Album") turned them
into super-duper stars, and not just a band that uncool middle schoolers
listened to. I really liked that album and their videos for "Enter
Sandman," "The Unforgiven," and "Nothing Else Matters" as I started to venture deeper into my own heavy metal phase.
From that point, I discovered Metallica in almost reverse order. I may have been introduced to them through a song from ...And Justice for All (their fourth album), but their fifth album, Metallica, was my true introduction to them and their music. So over the years I went backwards through their catalogue finding opportunities to listen to more of ...And Justice for All, followed by songs from Master of Puppets (their third album), and later hearing some tracks from Ride the Lightning (their second album) and finally Kill 'Em All (their debut album).
Each step back in time seemed to include new revelations into what heavy metal was capable of as a genre. The riffs got snarlier, the lyrics got darker, and James Hetfield's voice got higher. It also blew my mind when I discovered that Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine had been their original lead guitarist (though he was fired before they released their first album).
So, here I am with my one Metallica song on this list. Why "Fade to Black" (a
song from their second album)? Is it because it's basically a power ballad? Is
it the fantastic descending riff that leads into the bridge? Is it because of
its themes of death and suicide? It's certainly some combination of those things that make this song so enjoyable to listen to.
At this point, I feel compelled to address those lyrical themes from "Fade to Black." Everyone handles death in different ways. I've never been good at it. I never know what to say or how to say it, but does anyone really know what to do or say when someone dies?
Metallica had to confront death during their Damage, Inc. Tour in support of Master of Puppets when their founding bass player, Cliff Burton, was killed in a bus accident. They moved forward and continued on as a band with a new bass player named Jason Newsted, but when it came time to record a new album with Newsted (...And Justice for All) it became clear that they were still processing things. As the band worked with their producer and engineer on the final mix for this album, they decided to lower the volume of the bass line until it disappeared from the mix. Newsted is credited with playing bass on the album and even received a writing credit on one song, but his bass line was lost. And apparently nothing that survived those recording sessions includes those bass lines. We'll never know how that album would have sounded with Newsted's bass lines or what Cliff Burton would have done had be been alive.
Did the other members of Metallica hide those bass lines in an attempt to protect their former bandmate's life and legacy? Was this a form of hazing of the new member of their band? We don't always know who will be affected by someone's death or how it might affect them. It's something we all have to live with and figure out on our own. Sometimes we hear what we need to hear or read what we need to read. Sometimes it just takes time. One album later, Metallica left Newsted's bass in the mix.My first real encounter with death was when my dad died during the summer after I graduated college. I heard a lot of
condolences and apologies and attempts to help me feel better about it. Most
of those comments and conversations felt forced or insincere, despite the fact
that I knew everyone was just trying to do their best and be kind. I was certainly trying
to do my best, even when I didn't know what that was or what it should look
like. Was I supposed to cry because he wasn't there anymore, or was I supposed
to not cry because he was moving on to a hopefully better place? Was I
supposed to listen to sad songs that reflected my current mood or happy songs
to try to lift me out of it?
I did receive one letter that really helped. It was from a co-worker who was about my age who had already lost her father. It was the one thing anyone said or wrote to me that really seemed helpful. I tried to hold onto that letter because I wanted to say or write similar things to others when their parents passed. I don't know when I lost that letter, but it's gone. And now I wonder whether the words were really all that profound, or if it felt more sincere and helpful just because I knew that she had already experienced the same kind of loss as me.
I'll never remember what she wrote, but I'll always remember the feeling of reading the words in that letter: the comfort I felt and the relief in knowing there was someone else I could go to who could understand what I was feeling.
While my friend's note helped, and a long conversation with my best friend got me through that first night, it took time. But then even when I thought I had recovered and had come to peace with my father's passing, the first time he showed up in my dreams after he died, I woke up crying. I felt haunted and uncomfortable, but now as the years pass, when he shows up in my dreams, I savor it. It doesn't happen often, but it's nice to have those moments, even in dreams, to talk with my dad again.
"Fade to Black" is a song specifically about suicide and suicidal thoughts. I feel compelled to remind any readers that there are options available if you are having thoughts of suicide. In the US you can call or text 988. If you are concerned about using a crises line that sometimes implements police intervention, here are a few non-intervention options that are available:
- Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860
- BlackLine: 800-604-5841
- Samaritans: 212-673-3000
- MH First Oakland: 510-999-9MH1
Right now "Fade to Black" by Metallica is, probably, my 41st favorite song of all time.
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